i do not need you.

[daystar]

i do not need you...

Rayen stepped lightly on her small feet. She was moving quickly and silently. She kept her body low to the ground, in stalking mode but it wasn't prey she was after today. She was drawn to the waterfall Johari. She could only hope that it was still flowing. Rayen tended to stay near the river but her favorite area had been reduced to mud. The mud was so dry now that her patience didn't allow her to comb the riverbank for tiny bits of water. She had gotten bored with looking and chose to abandon the whole river for the Johari.

As she neared the flowing water she was overjoyed but cautious. Extreme thirst could easily be many an animal's downfall. Rayen herself hadn't even thought about eating for the last two days. It was too hot, water-hunting took up too much time, and she wanted water not food. She remained on guard as she broke into the open area near the precious water. She quivered as she surveyed the surroundings of the water. Several hundred feet away, a small gathering of some kind of antelope were crowded around the bank. They weren't alert and hadn't even spotted her yet. Rayen gave them the same courtesy and in turn ignored them.

No imminent danger and so Rayen confidently approached the pool. The ground beneath her feet was dry but Rayen knew it had once been part of the clear water. She still moved silently and was still crouched. Rayen was a runner, an escaper, not a fighter and at the moment she was poised to run. Her body ready but her mind was focused only on the water as she lapped it up. She felt the warm water run down her parched throat and was overcome with a feeling of calm and joy. The current problem of thirst was solved and Rayen couldn't be happier. She glanced up toward the antelope but they must have seen her at some point and silently made their getaway. She took another drink of the water. It wasn't as clear as normal, nor was it as cold but right now it was the best water in land which technically made it seem a whole lot better.

to tell me that I'm not a cat.

[Lassiel]

My dream falls and breaks into a thousand
PIECES

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<sub>One step in front of the other. One more paw in the hard dirt and dust. Head high and regal, body alert, but amber eyes gazing this way and that. A Lady far from home and pride, she must be wary of what goes on around her, for she is well aware she has wandered close to another's land. Strange isn't it, that the Queen so intent on loyalty is so very far from her family? But in truth, there is no family in Kinamasi to return to--and that is the reason she is so very far from more familiar lands. The lands were too dry, even for the wet marsh, and the prey left. The birds flew elsewhere, the smaller creatures disappearing who knows where. Even the mighty buffalo traveled away in search of water and the plant life that grew near it. No longer could the pride sustain itself, not with so little prey. And so they split up. A difficult choice it was, for they were family, and friends. But in the end it was the plan that would save the most lives, and that was what mattered. She traveled with her daughters for awhile, but even they were forced to part ways. She could not bear to know that her dear children wandered alone, and so she left in the night, slinking away. It was for their own good, really. They were yet young and needed all the help being in a pair could give. It was Lothril that had the better chance of surviving alone, and so she hid her tracks well and did not give them the chance to follow, as she knew they would try. How hard it was to leave them! So very hard. But again, their lives mattered more and Lothril was certain they would meet again.

Another paw in front of the other as her golden form swept carefully across the ground. She was tired, and thirsty. So thirsty. A small hare had been managed earlier in the day, and her hunger was sated as well as could be expected. And so rounded ears pricked, searching for the tell-tale sound of water. She knew there was a waterfall around here somewhere! Or at least there was during the wet season, when the rains fed the waters flowing down the mountain. It was her nose that finally detected it, and she followed the trail eagerly, slowing down once she was closer. Thirsty she was, but not so thirsty as to throw away her wits. If there was water, then there were bound to be other creatures nearby, perhaps even a pride watching over one of the few remaining sources of water. Form lowered to the ground, Lothril crept forward, eyes and ears checking her surroundings. The sound of hooves met her ears and a moment later a group of antelopes trotted by, unknowing of the lioness that watched them. Lucky creatures....they are so unobservant I could have taken one if I wanted. Moving forward again, she finally caught sight of what had startled them--another lioness sat at the edge, lapping up the dirty but life-giving water. Lothril froze, scenting the air for any other. But no...they were alone. Setting her jaw, the Queen swiftly made up her mind. She stepped forward, keeping an eye on the lioness as she bent to gently lap at the water. There was only one, so she was in little danger--and really, what creature in their right mind would waste energy during a season such as this? But if the lioness never noticed her...so much the better.</sub>

And so I pick one up and start
AGAIN.

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[daystar]

Rayen lifted her head and watched the lioness approach the water. She appeared cautious but hadn't seemed to notice Rayen yet. Instantly a smile spread across Rayen's face. It only briefly occurred to her that she might want to be careful, anybody had the potential to be dangerous but Rayen was easily drawn in by the lioness' grace. The air of dignity about her. She must be great, Rayen resolved as she took a step back from the water and moved to a sitting position.

Before she spoke Rayen had already decided she wanted to like this lioness and so she choose her words carefully. Doing her best to come off as friendly but avoid appearing too...strange. Afterall it was hardly a lovely day for peaceful chatter about the waterhole. Not just a water hole, probably one of the only ones around. " Water's better when one's so thirsty, isn't it?" she was still smiling, as she generally was. She allowed intense friendliness to mask her face, though in the back of her mind she still knew that she must be careful.

Rayen was a small lioness and she knew it was a disadvantage in a fight. Though it had it's positives, Rayen was fast and she knew it was due to her small, lean posure. Also she didn't have to eat as much to stay full longer. She had been so lucky to come across a large meal two days ago and had the pleasure of eating until her stomach bulged. The distraction of thirst had helped her not worry about eating but she really wasn't hungry. The smaller the vessel the less fuel it must consume.

[Lassiel]

My dream falls and breaks into a thousand
PIECES

[/size][/center]
<sub>The water, though not the cleanest she had ever had, was a relief to Lothril's dry mouth and tongue. Beneath her paws the damp earth at the water's edge felt cool, refreshing--and the lioness was struck with a stab of homesickness. The marshes of Kinamasi...that was her home, where she belonged. Come to think of it, the water there really wasn't much cleaner, but...it was home. Maybe...maybe others will have returned by now? If there was enough water for Johari, perhaps things were looking better in the marsh. The sound of another's voice reached her ears, and she jerked her face up, mildly upset with herself for letting her thoughts wander. The lioness was watching her, a friendly expression on her face, and Lothril realized that she was asked a question. Straightening her posture, she relaxed though inwardly remained wary. No need to be jumpy, she reminded herself, eyeing the smaller lioness carefully. An innocent remark, is all. She was struggling not to fall back into her older ways of snapping at every new face she met--she had matured since then and knew such a thing was rarely in anyone's best interests. It was difficult though, to act amiable when worries were pressing on her mind--the fate of her pride, the lives of her daughters...Of course. The tone was swift and abrupt with no hint of friendless. A beat passed, and Lothril closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. The lioness did not deserve that. Slowly reopening her eyes, she spoke again--this time in a kind voice tinged in slight remorse. My apologies. I did not mean to snap at you.

A heavy sigh, and she cast an almost longing look over the water before looking at the other again and deep amber eyes. It is not just that it is a welcome find, but it reminds me of my home as well. A sad smile, a soft voice, and perhaps her gaze looked a bit vacant and faraway for a moment before refocusing. Perhaps she could find out more about this lioness, and if she was truly alone. Is this your land? If so, I am sorry for intruding, but...well.... Black lips turned upward again, this time with less sadness. Water is a necessity. Yes, necessary....but what was the point if there was none to share it with? No friends or family. She was a loyal creature, and one did not become that way by being alone all the time. She found her joy in being with others--but now she was alone. Alone...yes, but not for long. She would find her pride again, or at least some of them, and they would be a family once more. Yes. She would be sure of it. She had survived near defeat before--had done more than survived, in fact--and she could do it again.</sub>

And so I pick one up and start
AGAIN.

[/size][/center]

[daystar]

Rayen regretted speaking. She knew know was a bad time for everyone. It was not the time to make new friends, it was more a time for causing fights and anger no matter what the intention. The dry season brought out the worst in everyone. It never effected Rayen, but little did. She could remember back in her old pride when the lionesses would get snappy when the water got scarce. She was used to it but the other was quick to regain her composure and Rayen was pleased. She enjoyed nothing more then talking even in the desperate-est of times. She could be considered lucky, she wasn't much on second-thinking her first impulse and she didn't think until the lioness spoke harshly that addressing a strange lioness randomly could be dangerous. She should've crept away, would've been lucky to get away even then. But Rayen is lucky and her eager attitude seemed to have struck up a conversation.

This lioness was homesick. Rayen glanced at the water, she couldn't remember her old water hole. She couldn't remember most of it...come to think of it she had forgotten the names of all her old pride members, even the name of her old pride. It was sad that what once was her whole life meant so little to her. Maybe you had to be happy to care about parts of your life you had lost. Maybe you had to love someone to miss them. Rayen didn't miss any of it. Though, this one did and Rayen felt so sad for her. Being alone was nothing new for Rayen and it made her wonder if the saying 'It's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all.' was true. Rayen had never loved and she was quite fine. Without the experience of love she couldn't fairly test the theory.

Replying was a delicate procedure. Obviously not in her best mood, Rayen didn't want to upset her farther. " A necessity indeed. My favorite of necessities." which was true. Rayen loved the water, she loved to swim and was happy lounging in and around the water as much as possible. "and no, these aren't my lands. I'm just looking for water, too."Reminds her of her home, "Do you live in the marshes?" Rayen wasn't wise to who ruled what but she did know what lands were occupied and the marshes were. She silently tried to think why a marsh cat wouldn't be in their marshy water-abundant home. If Johari was still flowing, there should be water in the marsh unless some other factor strew the marsh cats.

[Lassiel]

My dream falls and breaks into a thousand
PIECES

[/size][/center]
<sub>Lothril sighed silently to herself at the hesitancy in the lioness's reply. It appeared she was alienating her, and it was becoming more apparent by the second that she meant no harm. Rounded ears flicked forward as she spoke, a dash of surprise passing through her gaze as talked of the water. Her favorite? How strange, for it was Lothril's as well. It seemed most lions didn't like it, but Lothril enjoyed the cool feeling water soaking her fur—the power as her legs slid effortlessly through. And then afterwards, to dry off in the heat of the sun... It was one of her few guilty pleasures, and she loved it immensely. At the other lady's question though, her eyebrows rose in wonder for a brief moment before lowering once again. How easily she had discerned her home! Perhaps it was a lucky guess, but still... Lothril nodded slightly before voicing her answer. I do live there--it has been my home for several years now. She sensed the unasked question--what was a marsh cat doing so far from her lands? What reason would she have for being here? Her amber gaze landed on some point beyond as her regal head turned to face the direction Kinamasi lay. I belong to the Akina pride—in truth, I am its queen. She inclined her head slightly in greeting. My name is Lothril, and I’m afraid I may have given you a bad image of my family with my rude words. I am sorry. The last words were spoken earnestly, and she hoped the lioness detected the truth in them.

Stretching her legs, she made her way down the edge of the water and toward the other, paws every now and then dabbling in the liquid. She spoke again as she moved, her words calm and measured. I left…because at the moment my pride had been disbanded. It was either that, or starve to death. I chose their lives. A few steps more, and she stopped, lowering herself into a graceful sitting position and watching the other's reaction. What would she think of a queen who abandoned her pride? For no matter what she told herself, that is what it appeared like to her. She couldn't help but wonder how many of her former pride members would return and what they truly thought ofher decision. But...even if they hated it, she would have chosen to do the same thing rather than see them starve. And you—do you have any pride you belong to?</sub>

And so I pick one up and start
AGAIN.

[/size][/center]

[daystar]

Rayen noted the surprised look on the lioness' features. She was pleased to be interesting and she instantly lost any trace of reluctant-ness. Her long tailed wavered behind her slowly, it dragged across the water and then the cool dried mud consistently. She shifted body weight as she watched the other happily.

More of a lucky educated guess, Rayen's love of water drew her to it. She had often followed it's scent. As a wanderer she frequented all the large areas of water. She was young but she wasn't stupid. She'd crossed many a territory and knew they were to be avoided if at all possible. The marshes seemed such a lovely place but they were also somebody's home and it didn't take long for Rayen to figure this out and so she avoided them. One of the only waters she had to pass up.

The queen? Such a title it was. Rayen had never met a queen, in her father's pride he didn't take a queen. He held everyone on the same level, excusing himself who was all-commanding ruler. " Don't be silly, Lothril, you've done nothing wrong and I look at you only with respect and admiration." She briefly wondered if it was disrespectful to call a queen silly...so she smiled widely, childishly to cover her mistake, that is if she had just made one.

Lothril's story did call on Rayen's admiration. She had saved her pride, many rulers were stubborn. They didn't want to give up their rule. If they allowed their followers to split up (even if it was to save them) then a king became a king of nothing. Just land. Most wouldn't give that up and would just hold on to them, and the power they gave. Rayen genuinely hoped that Lothril's pride would come back to her when times were better.

"It was very wise of you to split up, in this season there isn't enough for a group to survive comfortably on." Lothril didn't appear worried, she was cool and calm. She must know she made the right decision so Rayen didn't push the subject, no need to reassure. She answered the new subject quickly. " I've never belonged anywhere." She didn't feel the need to explain that her first pride...disliked her. Rayen was almost happy to be given the chance to make it on her own. If she had stayed with her pride they always would of looked down on her and she never would've been anything but the lowest lioness. The lioness on the outside. She wanted to be more then that and tried to look positively on every day, every encounter as an opportunity to be who she is, and not just the lowest lioness.

"Oh, and my name is Rayen."

[Lassiel]

<sub>Lothril couldn't help the slight grin that slid across her features at Rayen's words. Despite her title, wished to just be treated as an equal around others, save when it was prudent to pull the royalty card. Mostly though, she saw the role as leader as one where time was spent looking after others and their safety--not always her own wishes and happiness. But more often than not the two went hand and hand for her, though she was aware it wasn't the same for others. The lions who had taken over her own birth pride were a shining example of that. They ruled for their own pleasure and enjoyment, not bothering with the safety of their newfound responsibility. She wondered idly if that was a trait in all males.

Tsk tsk, Lothril. Are you still bitter about his leaving you? You know better than that by now. Yes...she did know better, and would not be fooled with promises of 'forever' again. She smirked inwardly, almost feeling sorry for any male who tried to become King of Akina in the future. Having watched three males take the title and then abandon it did not do much for Lothril's faith. Whoever decided to claim it next time would have a hard time gaining her trust--that is, if they even wanted to risk it with what was soon becoming a cursed pride to any king. In the beginning, the thought of ruling without another had frightened Lothril. It would be easy, so easy, for a lion to come in and disrupt everything--not to mention that the chances of the pride being taken seriously appeared slim. But now...well, the thought didn't bother her as much, and she figured she would be perfectly happy ruling on her own for the rest of her life, if that were to happen.

A light laugh escaped her. Well, thank you for your kind words--it is easy to doubt oneself when they have been alone for what seems like so long. She smiled kindly at the lioness, finally completely at ease. I really can't see why you have never belonged anywhere, Rayen.</sub>

[daystar]

Rayen watched as the other relaxed. Rayen was glad not to have offended her. The only royalty Rayen had ever dealt with was, although not strict regarding most matters, he got extremely angry when addressed incorrectly or when he felt that he'd been disrespected. Even though he was her King and father Rayen had never spoken to him. She had the feeling that just her speaking around him would be taken as an insult.

Rayen waited while Lothril thought. She wondered if when the pride disbanded the king had also left. Surely they would've stayed together but he wasn't here now and Lothril hadn't mentioned him. Maybe he was back at home, surveying the damage left by the drought. If not Rayen wondered how a lioness held a pride by herself. She'd never seen a lioness at the front of a pride but with back-up anybody should be able to protect their homeland. There couldn't be much of a one-on-one battle between the challenger and the ruler...which in this case would be a queen but if the whole pride protected it, a very strong or just a very determined lioness could do it. This was the decision Rayen came to as Lothril began to speak.

She thought for a few seconds, what had she meant when she said she never really belonged anywhere. " Maybe I am being dramatic, though what I meant is that I have lived in a pride, I've had a family but...they...I was sort of shunned within the pride. I wasn't asked to leave...but they didn't want me. Every pride has it's weakest member, and in that pride it was me and everybody made sure I knew...from the time I was born really." She shrugged her shoulders and looked for Lothril's reaction nervously. Rayen was slightly embarrassed just because she didn't want to be 'the weakest' anymore and telling people that she had for the first part of her life been the weakest wasn't the best start at shaking that 'title'. Though Rayen was truthful and this was the truth.

She couldn't suppress her curiosity and she quickly thought on how to ask...nicely. She settled for being vague. "When your pride split up, didn't anyone stay with you?" she hoped the question wasn't invasive but would get her answer. A lioness claiming land and controlling a pride was frankly fascinating to Rayen. She had seen many a strong lioness, fierce and normally scary but they always seemed to either answer to their King or be loners. They had often come up on Rayen when she was travelling by night. They took joy in killing and had no problem killing anything, whether they got to eat it or not. Rayen was alive and therefore could be killed. They were her biggest enemies and she had many a close call with the dangerous fiends. But they always had a king, somewhere in the darkness. Even these fierce she-demons couldn't handle a pride of their own, if they couldn't...could anyone?

[Lassiel]

<sub>Lothri's golden head tilted curiously to the side as Rayen spoke. The weak point of the pride? She did not see weakness in this lioness--if anything, she was strong to be able to survive on her own. In a season such as this, if one wasn't strong they had no hope of living to see the coming of the rains. The Queen's quick eyes could see that the lioness was uncomfortable with telling her this, but really, she thought there most have been something strange going on in the pride to make Rayen feel this way.

A pride should support all its members and help those who need it--not shun them. The strength of a pride was more than the strength of each member. To be truly strong, a pride needed to be loyal--they needed to look out for and teach everyone. Just as everyone had a particular strength, so did everyone have a weakness--only together could the be truly strong. Lothril's own daughters were an example of this! Headstrong Almira, quick to lead and make decisions. She was a fighter and always stood up for what she believed. But she was too stubborn for her own good sometimes, and that was where her sister came in. Tari kept her sister in line with her deep thoughts. She thought things through and tried to keep things calm. And just as she reined in her sister, Almira made sure that Tari was not too indecisive. Together, the two were a powerful force.

A curious look entered Rayen's eyes and Lothril waited while she tried to put her thoughts into words. She was feeling oddly patient and at ease today--more so than she had felt in a long while. It was a relief, really, not being high-strung every moment of the day. She hoped the feeling lasted, but the chances of that happening were slim.

At Rayen's carefully worded question, Lothril thought before answering, trying to decipher what she really wanted to know. I traveled with my daughters for a bit, but there was not enough food for even the three of us, so I left. An enlightened look came into Lothril's eyes, as the thought of what Rayen was truly looking for entered her mind and she spoke again. I have had no mate for two and half years now, so they are all I have. Since he left, I have ruled the pride and raised my daughters alone. Yes, they were her daughters. The moment he abandoned them they stopped being his.

It was normal, she supposed, for one to wonder what a lone lioness was doing ruling a pride without a mate and king. How could they survive without fear of another taking them over? Lothril was no fool--she knew that in the beginning it was sheer luck that kept another male from coming in and taking over the pride--killing her daughters. It was hard to get others to take such a pride seriously, but in time....somehow it happened. Her amber eyes met Rayen's gaze squarely. Although we had no king, we were still able to survive. My pride became my family, and I would not allow any to harm them. She laughed softly, bitterly, and turned her eyes away. It was hard for us--for me--to be taken seriously. What sort of pride has no king? I regret that I could not give my daughters the comfort they deserved while growing up, but I did my best.</sub>

[daystar]

Rayen's father was young but strong. He wasn't quite sensible enough to run the pride. He thought only of himself and bred with most of the lionesses in the pride. Although the pride had a surge of strong cubs, it made the lionesses vie for his attention. They did so in boasting on their cubs. And it turned mean quickly. The mothers began to train the cubs, they didn't care if they were happy as long as they were the biggest, strongest, or most well-behaved. Rayen's mother was different and Rayen was a weak cub, she barely survived and at first was way behind the other cubs her age. It made her mother an easy target for everyone's insults. They all wanted to be the King's 'favorite' and they sort of forgot more important things. The insults threw at her mother by the other mothers turned to put downs at Rayen by the other cubs. As she grew, she couldn't let herself fit in, couldn't let 'by gones be by gones'. And they learned that she got in the way more then she helped. Before she was even fully grown into the average healthy lioness she was today, they had written her off as worthless. Truly her weakness rooted in her stature but grew through her own insecurities and a pride with it's priorities crooked. Rayen figured that the pride had probably been dismembered by now, they couldn't go on in the disarray they were in...but they were past.

Rayen saw what she took as curiosity in the lioness' eyes. At least it wasn't agreement. She thought she had grown a lot since she left her pride and she hoped that the other lioness could see that. But she was speaking. She was a mother and she'd obviously had to make some difficult choices as a mother. It's too bad the dry season is so harsh, to split up families and dismantle prides. Though she had caught Rayen's drift and spoke of her mate. She then made it clear that she didn't need that mate, which she had proved. No lion caused a ripple in the pride, only Nature could put a dent in the determination Lothril spoke of. Rayen could feel the resent as Lothril spoke and she was suddenly withdrawn. Sometimes hearing another's story was hard. It was in Rayen's personality to already care for Lothril and seeing her new found friend relive her...unforntunate turn of events was painful to Rayen as well as Lothril. As the other turned away, Rayen scanned her. She let her mouth slightly a gape...preparing to speak. She paused for a second, and finally "We all make decisions Lothril. You gave your daughters the best you could, right? I'm sure that's enough for them."

She remembered her pride, the way the mothers treated their young. The only time they relaxed was when the adults went hunting. She particularly remembered a handsome young cub, that Rayen favored over the others. He wasn't as rude and sometimes he would talk with her. Then one day he embarrassed his mother, one way or another she lashed out and left a scar down his face and shoulder. He was never the same, he didn't play...he just sat. Quietly, trying to be good for mother. It was then that she knew, cubs just needed love from their mothers. Rayen didn't care at that point when food was scarce her mother and her got less food or that they were picked on because her mother loved her. Something none of the other cubs could say.

"All my mother could give me was love, and I ate it up readily. Stability, security, it didn't matter to me then, it only mattered that she cared about me and she fought for me. But you can't always win and at least you're still trying." Rayen didn't smile because Lothril wasn't looking anyway but she wanted to be helpful and she hoped Lothril would appreciate her words.

[Lassiel]

<sub>Even as she faced away from Rayen, Lothril's rounded ears stayed trained on her as she spoke. Yes, she did always try her best to care for her daughters. It was...very difficult when she was forced to leave them alone, hoping, praying they wouldn't fall prey to some wandering predator. Like their younger brother had, just days after being born. It hurt to this day, and always would. She had failed, and it had cost Amadi his life. She wondered....what would he look like now? He would be two and half years old now--an adult, but not yet full grown and only a small mane. He had been a deeper gold than even his parents, but Lothril was sure he would still resemble his father, if a bit smaller.

It had been so long the tears no longer came when she thought of him, and so she easily turned back to face Rayen, the grief in her amber eyes slight and barely there. But you can't always win and at least you're still trying. She blinked. How very right Rayen was...How many times had Lothril lost in her life? Too many to count--or so it seemed. If she were to take the time to count, it probably wouldn't seem like so much--but why focus on every failure? She would not do that.

Tired of thoughts of what had gone wrong in her life, Lothril forced herself to turn to other things. Again, Rayen, thank you--though I'm afraid it may look like I'm fishing for reassurances. Her tone slowly became lighter again as the words flowed. I assure you, that is not the case. The Queen was silent for a few moments, pondering the lioness before her before speaking. You are alone and have no lands, correct? The question was rhetorical, for Rayen's previous words had already confirmed that, so Lothril plunged on. Your mother gave you love, so it isn't as if you've never experienced such a thing. Why do stay in solitude now? Living a nomadic life was not something Lothril enjoyed, and in Rayen's place she would have quickly found another. She couldn't help but wonder if Rayen wandered alone by choice. Since she was working to reform the Akina, Lothril would be happy to offer her a place in the pride--but she would not ask unless she thought her...friend...yes, friend, was looking for a home.</sub>

[daystar]

Lothril may not have been fishing for them but Rayen was quick to offer reassurances. After all it had been Rayen who had brought the subject up. Maybe she was too quick to start asking questions but she was thankful that Lothril hadn't seen it that way. She was also sorry that her questions brought up...sad memories for her companion. But as Lothril caught her eye, she wasn't talking about the past anymore. Why do you stay in solitude now?

It was Rayen's turn to look away. She turned to look into the waters of Johari. Why do you stay in solitude now? she repeated in her head. Something she feared to admit to herself. She lifted her head to look at Lothril. As lies formed on her lips...maybe she could say that she didn't like prides but Rayen loved being in a pride, even one that wasn't so kind to her. The security not to mention there was always something going on. Whether you were involved or not, there were others around. They were talking, they were moving, they were something to stare at while passing a lazy day. Pride life was something Rayen enjoyed.

She remembered all the prides she had watched from afar. She tried to remember how many had noticed her and how many hadn't reacted harshly. How many of them would've welcomed her...but it didn't matter because she ran away from all of them. Lothril had been truthful with her, even answering questions Rayen was too nervous to ask. So she would offer the same respect. "I'm scared. I'm scared they were right, maybe I am worthless. I'm scared of rejection." Rayen watched hoping Lothril wouldn't think Rayen too pathetic.

When Rayen was alone, after every kill or when she was laying down to sleep, she could tell herself that they were wrong. She could say look at me now, I'm doing great. But if they were right in saying that Rayen was more trouble then she was worth, any pride would see that. She was afraid that if she moved in to a pride, felt close to it's members, made it home that eventually they would call her out. She wasn't strong enough, skilled enough, she just wasn't good enough. On her own, she was just herself in a pride she was a member of something greater. A pride, a family...she didn't want to let them down.

but You can't run forever, Rayen.

[Lassiel]

<sub>The younger lioness turned away at Lothril's question, only to face her again soon after, seemingly ready to speak. She said nothing though, and a faraway look entered her eyes. Sitting quietly, Lothril awaited Rayen's answer patiently. She had no desire to rush her, as it appeared she needed to get her thoughts in order. As calmly as Lothril waited though, inside she was wondering what Rayen's answer would be. Because she was taking a few moments before answering, the Queen could only assume that it wasn't a simple answer. She wondered if it had to do with her early statement of not belonging anywhere.

Ears pricked curiously as the lionesses' soft words. Scared? After a swift moment of surprise, understanding came to her. Growing up like Rayen had--shunned from the pride and not wanted because of a perceived weakness--could very well make it difficult to join another pride, no matter how much one wanted to. She could not see it as pathetic, not when it wasn't her fault she had been treated in such a way.

I think, after growing up the way you had, it is normal for you to be afraid. It was Lothril's turn to offer some form of comfort, and she relished such a role. After spending so long a time alone, it was almost a relief to look after another again, even if there was a chance they may never see each other again after today. I can tell you, truthfully, that you are not worthless. You have survived alone, and so are more than capable of contributing to a pride. And even if you were not good at such a thing, you are kind as well. There is more to being in a pride than being the best hunter. Sometimes, all one needs is companionship.

She halted for a few seconds, letting Rayen soak in her words. She hoped the lioness understood what she was saying. Everyone in a pride had a job. Some were hunters, while other were teachers, caregivers, and guardians. Not everyone could be expected to be good at everything--but everyone did have something they could contribute, even if was something seemingly as small as just a listening ear.

Fear...is powerful. But you still have a choice, Rayen. You can, of course, continue like you have--or you can try to face it and hopefully succeed. Her tone, despite her words, was kind. Believe me, I know what it is like to be afraid of something, though it is not exactly the same. She had been so afraid when her mate left...so afraid. But she had to continue on.</sub>

[daystar]

She watched Lothril for her reaction. She felt her heart beat faster, and she was confused with panic. It shouldn't matter, why did she put what other's thought of her so high on her list of priorities? It shouldn't matter but it did. It really did. She feared mostly pity. She didn't want to be accepted because she was so pitiful. But as the other began to speak, it wasn't pity but understanding that Rayen felt. And she looked at Lothril with hope.

She never wanted to take assurances to heart because one specially placed put-down could rip away any security that had been built up. But she allowed Lothril's words to sink in because she couldn't help it...maybe it was just this moment or perhaps the impression would last but right now she trusted Lothril. She felt she was sincere. And maybe, just maybe she was right.

She felt rather silly, what did she have to be afraid of? She repeated Lothril's last words in her head. I know what it is like to be afraid of something, though it is not exactly the same. She was dealing with other things right now, she was regrouping, reforming, reinventing an entire pride. And what's Rayen afraid of, that people might not like her? She nodded her head suddenly, Lothril was right. Rayen wasn't going to be afraid anymore, "You're so right. The least I can do is try. If I can live alone surely I can live in a pride...it's supposed to be easier right?" and she smiled again confident. The chances of this confidence lasting were slim but she felt estatic...at the moment. Whether or not she could remain true to her self-promise, only time could tell.

She would join a pride, she would be a valuable member of that pride, and she would be secure. If she simply refused to back down and demanded of herself to try...she could do it. Or at least she'd have a much better chance if she kept telling herself that she could.