Remember Remember

[asianna]

These lands were different from all others, unnatural, and yet untouched by any but the hand of Mother Nature. The long grass was concealing and thick, like golden waves wipping at the trees, incapable of producing the foam that showed the ocean's wrath. It was a beautiful, cool place, the perfect kingdom during the dry months, and that blasting heat. Unfortunantly, it happened to be the rainy, wet season, making the usually, dry fertile soil moist, almost muddy. So while the muck made disgusting sounds and felt vile between the pads, oozing between the toes, it kept the grass vibrant, and the sparse trees lush and green. The prey florioushed in this area, drawing a pack or two of the wild dogs, all of who preferred the thicker wood. They could be annoying little yappers, and yet they hunted quite well, and stealing prey from a small group of 'em was easy for the large male lion.

Ah, our subject. A magnificent brute of light coloring, a noble, strong face, matched with a battle scarred bodiance. As a youngster he had ruled a pride, mating with all seven of his lionesses, and fathering at least ten little cubs. They were all dead now. Murdered because they'd been sired by him. As the large brute lay alone in the grass, legs splayed wide as he lolled half on his side, half on his back, head rolling close to an unnatural angle, eyes half-closed on the dreary edge of sleep. His mind wandered, both plotting out a way to regain his own pride, and remembering the painful memories of his life before becoming a wandering rogue. A lion was meant to live among others of its kind, not wander solitary, never to have companionship or talk. No, Chi Satsujin was left to lay in the grass alone. To talk to himself when he tired of silence. To hunt his own food and roar purely for amusement. Oh, the pain it caused his poor, beaten soul.

As the large tom drifted farther into slumber, the noises of the area surrounding his corpse seemed to dwindle, quieting as if someone was draping a blanket across it all. And yet, the voices in his mind, the tempered voices of his children, and the calls of his many mates, seemed to grow louder, as sleep gave him dreams of the past. His lionesses lounging upon the heat seeped rocks, the cubs playing below them, running and tackling, trying to hunt grasshoppers and mice, or pounce on the feathered end of an adult's tail. Beautiful, it was all so beautiful and he had taken it all for granted, often leaving his large harem for time to himself, never playing with his cubs, rarely spending time with their bloated, milk-heavy mothers. Guilt rode on his conscious as his lofty dream turned into a nightmare

Tsar loping across the open lands, his large pads beating the ground like the drums of war. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, how Chi had lifted his head from the kill, blood staining his maw and streaking the lower portion of his mane. How the kill had made him close to drunken with the taste and how his females had fled from the two males, herding their children away. The dance of attacks and retreats, how his claws had ripped into Tsar's shoulder, to suddenly feel claws rip down his mid-back and hook onto his back lag, wretching painfully on the muscle. The pain, how it had been so intense for a moment for numbing, the nerve endings severed. The burst of adrenaline that had pushed him away from his half-brother and the screams as he killed Chi's children, and the occasional lioness who offered her own life before her only daughter's. A tear slipped the inside corner of his eye, traveling down his face to mix muddled into the wet soil.

ooc - not my best, but my first post wit Chi Satsujin - ooc

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[Lassiel]

The land was so very unlike her own--that of Kinamasi, an area of murky water and thick muck. Although still quite muddy with the constant rains of the wet season, Poriuma's ground was nothing compared to the Queen's homeland. But why was she so far away from her pride? For what purpose was Lothril leaving her land, even if it was not permanent? Quite simply, the lioness once again needed time to think away from everyone else. And though she had tried to do so in the marsh, inevitably another pride member had appeared. The only choice left to her was to explore other lands, and hope against meeting another there.

The pads of her feet hit the ground steadily and with confidence as she pushed through the billowing grass, which while concealing her from the eyes of others, also made it difficult for her to see. But as rounded ears scanned the environment and sensitive nose picked up all manner of scents, it proved not to be too much of a problem. And since Lothril was not there to hunt, her only concerns were lions and other predators. But unable to recognize another pride's scent, she fully expected to be left alone during her moment of introspection.

Observant lioness that she was, Lothril quickly noticed the signs of a fresh kill on her way to the edge of the forest. Grass bent at odd angles and the smell of blood in the air gave it away easily. Pausing, her head rose, peering over the golden sea before her other senses spread out. Wild dogs, it seemed, had recently had a successful hunt. A narrowing of the eyes showed her uneasiness. Although not afraid of small groups of the beasts, a larger one could mean trouble. There was nothing to do but continue on though--if they were close by, she had probably already been noticed.

Lowering her head, but body still tensed for anything, Lothril continued her walk. But yet again, the Queen soon halted, this time a look of actual worry passing over her face before being hidden. That...that could not have been another lion she scented, could it? There should be no one here! Perhaps...perhaps it was an older trace and he was no longer here? It did seem kind of faint. Deciding on that explanation, and trying to put her worries aside, her stride lengthened.

But it was dangerous to so quickly dismiss what the world told her, and she soon spied the large lion who sprawled so casually in the grass. Crouching closer to the ground, golden coat blending with the vegetation, Lothril watched him closely. He barely moved and, though she could not see his face from this angle, appeared to be asleep. Confident, are you? A light smirk played on her black lips, though in reality she wondered at her next course of action. Say hello? Or just leave? The decision came swiftly--it would be most prudent to leave. But to sneak around would be cowardly, and cowardly she was not. So pushing away from the ground, Lothril brushed through the grass, passing a few feet away from the lion and wondering if he would rouse himself from the nap long enough to notice her.

OOC: No worries. ^_^

[asianna]

ooc - So sorry for not posting sooner, but I found four 9 week old kittens by my house and I've been outside the past couple days taking care of them and trying to find them homes ... Now they all got nice homes so I'm good to get on the internet again ^.^


Long grass swayed softly about him, carressing his light tan bodiance and stroking his tired muscles. The sky above was a clear, open cobalt blue, not a storm cloud in sight. Away from tragedy did Chi's thoughts drift, falling deeper and deeper into blackness, until the terror had fled from his mind and body. His large paws, once with claws out and raking the soil below him, were now relaxed and soft. His tassel ended tail flicked about behind him lazily. The deep dregs of sleep had begun to pull him under and away with the slight awareness he once had. But then, the slightest whisp of a scent tickled his nose, winding about his muzzle and nudging his cloudy mind. Tiredly he tried to push it away, but it kept nagging and gnawing at him, until finally he began to pull himself upward from the relaxing depths of slumber. Slowly he became aware of each part of his body, and then that awareness spread beyond his own body, to probe at his gentle surroundings. Small rounded ears twitched around, catching the gentle scratching of the moving golden grass, and then stiffening and focusing on the lioness's breathing. Mouth, clamped tight during his nightmare, and relaxing open slightly during his brief cat nap, caught the scent of the female. Slowly, his muscles stiffened, readying himself before he opened his eyes and truly gave himself away.

And then lids flicked up to reveal his rich, crimson gold eyes, staring off to the grass. Slowly his enormous cranium lifted, and turned toward her, body rippling so that he lay flat upon his stomach with paws gathered below him. Dark eyes glowered at her, noble face not sure whether to twist into a snarl, or be offered into a smile. Delicately he inhaled a long draught of her scent that seemed to cloud the air around her muscular form. The thick smell of a male lion, several females, and cubs stung his nostrils and immediatly he pretended to sneeze, eyes wetting themselves once more. Slowly his front half rose, weight rolling back onto his haunches, shaking his mane free of debres. Thick black lashes fluttered as he blinked a couple times to rid himself of the moisture, not wishing to appear weak or ill. Almost challengingly he raised his chin a little higher, allowing his optics the pleasure to roam over her golden carcass.

She was out by herself, wandering from her pride lands for the peace of solitude. Fool! He wanted to shout the word at her, to yell and scream at the lioness for abandoning her social life like he had once did. Didn't she know that some other could come and rip it away without warning? Didn't she care? Jaws drifted farther apart, vocals readying themselves to be heard, but never did he speak. His throat felt choked and uncomfortably dry. Speaking was out of the option, he couldn't force the desired words out, and his teeth came crashing together in annoyance. Light pink tongue licked at his black painted lips, and higher at the whiskered area on either side of his heart shaped nose. Claws gripped the soil to steady himself, and molten eyes glared at her, daring her to say something or chase him away. Chi Satsujin was nearly twice her size, with his lush matted mane to protect his delicate throat from searching jaws. Slowly, with his pelt rippling from the muscles movement below, he rose to all four paws, thick golden tail stiff behind him.

For a long moment he just stood there staring at her, waiting for her to move, or to accuse him of trespassing. Although, technically this was rogue land, not patrolled by a pride, and therefore open to any wandering beasts. Time seemed to move slowly, the seconds seeming like minutes, or maybe they were hours. And then, without thought or hesitation, Chi's clenched jaws parted and words poured forth, tainting the once pure, quiet air. "I am Chi Satsujin, a rogue to this area. Yourself?. No 'hello or polite introduction, just those simple words to explain himself to this lioness. Mentally he rewound his words and played them over for his own contemplation. He had not always been called such. At one time it was another name, a more peaceful name. It had been simple and strong, a meaningless way to identify the tom. Chi Satsujin. Many Murders. Oh so many murders his life had caused. The killings of prey, the death of other male challengers. Those were meaningless ends to lives. No, his name was to recognize the murders of his children and mates. The deaths that by purely existing and ruling he had caused. A suddenly strong breeze whipped the grass harder than before and tugged at his streaked mane, chilling his muddied belly. A shiver raced down his spine and lids dropped for a moment in recognition as the claws of the dead raked his carcass.

[/blockquote]

[Lassiel]

Golden eyes faced resolutely forward, taking in all that happened and not wishing to start a conversation with a stranger that could be avoided. How she hated speaking with someone she did not know! Now, she could be a kind and affable soul to those she was well-acquainted with, but she simply had no desire to speak with anyone else. The awkward silences as one tried to learn more of her, attempting to dig their claws into her world. Really, why deal with it? Useful conversations were only found with those she knew. But that did not mean he would adhere to these guidelines. A black-lined ear rotated toward the male when the sound of grass being rustled by a large body reached her. Muscles halted their sleek movement, gaze turning to watch him again as he slowly rose to his haunches, fully awake and aware.

A slight narrowing of eyes showed her displeasure as the lion cast his gaze over her. She was not a trophy to be admired--but that seemed to be what most male thoughts lionesses. It really did not matter to her whether this particular one thought in that way--one could say that recent problems made her a bit bitter toward all males, deserving of that treatment or not. The look on her face became more quizzical as his muzzle opened and then shut without saying a word, but the mask of annoyance came back on as his proud eyes focused on her in an almost challenging way. It took more to intimidate her than a look from a rogue--or any beast, for that matter. At the same time though, she knew when she was at a disadvantage. Pride leader or not, these were not her lands, and she had no say over who could go or stay. And of course, the fact that the male out-sized and out-muscled her would be a problem if things did not go well.

As his body rose to all fours, Lothril sighed quietly. It looked like this conversation could not be avoided. No words passed his lips for a long while though, and she began to wonder if the lion would speak at all. But then his voice shattered the silence and an especially strong breeze soon followed. Black lashes fluttered slightly as the wind kicked dirt into her vision and golden head turned to avoid the onslaught. Once the breeze died down, Lothril faced Chi Satsujin again, muscles rolling smoothly beneath deep gold pelt as her body turned completely toward him. Her own voice launched forth then, cold and proud, yet still courteous as decorum demanded. Lothril. Akina is my pride and I am its queen.

Slightly tensed muscles readied themselves for anything. Unlike Hathor, who so despised being called 'rogue,' Chi Satsujin did not have the scent of any family about him and thus nothing to lose, though one his age had surly ruled a pride by now. The look of experience rested on him, but being unable to know his past, she could not tell if he posed a threat or not. Muzzle opened again as she wondered at his intentions. I'd like to know why you stopped me when I only wished to pass through. You seemed to be enjoying your nap--though I do not think sleeping in such an area is especially wise.

[asianna]

.x. Chi Satsujin .x.

The golden she-cat's voice brought him back from nightmares and honors. Why did he always seem to live in the past? Because the past defined him now. His name reflected the horrors of his life, and his constant solitude was a harsh pain that seemed to prick at him from all sides, at all times. For the briefest of moments, anger welled up in his chest, rage that he had been reduced to this ... this ... Once more the male sagged, his once proud and strong stance seeming to sink into himself. Shoulders hunched inward, and his crown lowered a little, almost as in defeat. But it had nothing to do with the lioness before him and her cute little title. No, she had nothing to do with his defeat. Only the constant reminder of his defeat and the murders of those he loved truly pulled him down. All of this seemed to pass within' moments, between her two bursts of speech. Why had she spoken to him? What did she want with him?

Confusion blistered his mind for a moment, his red gold eyes focused on her face, unsure if he had heard right. He had stopped her? She was the one who had spoken first ... or had he? So lost had he been that now he just couldn't comprehend what exactly was going on around him. Chi had not always been so scrambled ... at one time he had been strong, confident, sure of everything, and with a clear mind to see it all. He had been one of the more intelligent kings of Africa, but evidently that had just gotten him thrown out of his own pride. Chi cocked his head to the side, lush light hued mane seeming not to move, so much hair there seemed to be. Hesitantly he took a small step forward, more like a shuffling of paws that brought him closer to Lothril.

Her fur was a rich gold, darker than his light lemon color, nearly the hue of his muddied belly. He didn't deny that she was attractive, but never had he been 'into' the more attractive of felines. They also turned out haunghty and over-rated. Calmly he dipped his head slightly in greeting, red yellow eyes no longer combing her physique but stationed on her face, although not exactly staring her dead in the eye. That was rude among lions ... a disrespect, a challenge. With quiet words he answered her, voice thick and cracked from disuse and his tongue seeming to stumble over the syllables of some. "I ... It was n.not a pleasant n.nap. Too m.many m.memories clouding it. You treaded close to my ... my ... too close to me. You could have fled instead of answered ... With this he dropped his head a little lower, lips flicking up to reveal yellowed teeth before slipping back to continue his pattern of speech, this time little more than a mumble, Or could have killed me.

Slowly, as all his movements seemed to be, Chi allowed his back end to sink slowly into the dirt, thick tail sprawled behind him, dark tassel moving slightly. He lifted a huge paw and gave the pads a lick, face contorting into a look of disgust at the taste of dirt and other unmentionable muck. Quickly he ran his san-paper tongue over it again, and then dragged the wet surface over his ears. They felt dirty. He felt dirty. But it would be rude to wash himself before someone he didn't know, right? And so he lowered his massive paw back to the earth, black claws barely poking from beneath his faded yellow fur. A slight breeze moved the grass around them, billowing it one way, and then the tips rippling it the other. He enjoyed this area, quite enjoyed it. Relaxing, that was the word this is odd little plot of land. If Chi Satsujin ever became a leader of pride, he would make this their homeland. Its long grasses would hide the cubs from predators, and its cool, relaxing atmosphere was soothing and could nearly lul him into a dreamless sleep. It would be so nice to just collapse into the grasses and sleep, only roused by the pain of hunger. But if he allowed this one contact to slip through his claws, then he just might hate himself even more.

[/blockquote]

[Lassiel]

Curiosity crossed her eyes once again, this time staying longer as the way the male held himself changed. In the space of a few moments, Chi went from what seemed to be a confident lion to one who…well, looked like a lost cub. What had she said or done to make this happen? Nothing…she could not have caused this with the few words she said, and frankly, it made her happy that she didn't. Despite her cold exterior to strangers, she never wished them ill or attempted to take away their sense of worth. Her own proud nature did not come from being a ruler--she held herself as proudly today as she did in her first home. She did not begrudge others their pride.

Muscles slowly released their tension, for there did not seem to be any immediate danger coming from him soon. His face did not hide his now obvious confusion--though at what, she didn’t know. She did not even notice the light-hued lion’s few steps toward her, so intent as she was on trying to figure this strange being out and whether she should be worried about him. Most other females would have been focused on him being a prospective mate, their thoughts occupied with his apparent single status. But Lothril only worried over what this meeting would mean for the future of her pride—if it even had a meaning. No—the world showed her quite quickly that though she may love fully and be loyal, it did not keep another from doing the same.

Returning his nod and showing him the same respect by keeping her gaze from fully meeting his, she listened to him speak, ears straining slightly to catch the disjointed words. After Chi finished and settled back to the earth, Lothril could only blink for a few moments, confused at the way he acted, though she nodded in acceptance of his explanation of her coming so close to him. When he first spoke, his manner seemed proud and even challenging, yet now he acted unsure of himself. Her haunches lowered to the ground, a silent signal of her decision to speak more. I understand how unpleasant memories can disturb one’s peace of mind, having been subjected to it myself. Words had lost their first coldness, though that certainly did not mean she trusted him. It would have been rude to ignore you completely…but I believe you and I both know that I could not kill you so easily, even if I wanted to. At the last statement, a small smirk appeared, though she kept an eye on him lest he change his mind about her being here.

But did he…wish for death? The very thought of a death without reason disturbed her. To give your life for one you loved was admirable—but to just die purposeless seemed almost a waste of life. Yet few agreed with her ideals, or at least she hadn’t met those that did. She couldn’t help but wonder at what happened in his life to cause such a strange way of acting. He…almost reminded her of Asaki, though instead of anger he evoked a feeling of….pity? No--perhaps sympathy? Whatever the feeling, it was not her place to ask of his past, and she would not like another prying in hers either. Yet her voice sounded again, truly curious about this lion before her. I’m sorry if I annoy you—but are you…alright? Blame it on the nurturing instinct of a mother, but Chi’s words bothered her, and though she certainly wouldn’t dream of treating him like one of her cubs, the distress that covered him made her want to at least try to help.

[asianna]

.x. I am not afraid to keep on living .x.

His golden red eyes drifted wearily, her words drifting upon a cool breeze to carress his audit. Memories? How did she know about the memories that tortured him? Was it so obvious? Oh, now he remembered, he had told her, as way of explanation, or maybe just one of those things that people blurt out for no reason. To clarify facts for their own purposes, their own need to set things right. But she could never meet the pain of his memories, what other guilt could tear at a soul as the one who had begun to destroy his own. How could any carry this burden? That so many helpless, innocent lives were ended on your own behalf .... A shudder racked the tom's body, a sob hidden, as a fresh wave of grief crashed over him. It had been a year since his defeat and and the deaths, and yet he still carried this name, and he still wandered alone, and he still mourned his own birth.

Her next words made him stir from the sunken position, head snapping up, body slowly regaining proper position. She couldn't kill him? Or she wouldn't? Anger began to throb in his throat, and pound in his head, all to the beat of his heart. Slowly his rage grew, at first merely burning in his core, so focused on nurturing the flame that he missed the words of concern that the female chose to spill from lovely lips. And then his outer appearance began to strengthen, body pulled upward, muscles tensing, head lowering and fur bristling. And then his anger reached the bursting point and he leapt forward at Lothril, landing a foot or two in front of her. Eagerly he flung his head up, as far as it would go, revealing a covered neck. In choked words he managed to toss into the humid air, "Take me! Go ahead! I give you free oppertunity to end my life, I shall not fight!" He was screaming, probably seemed insane, but then again, his tortured mind was lost to the depths of his past, tears flowing freely from the inner corners of his eyes.

And then he spun away, head hanging, body rippling as he paced, eyes glowing angerly. "Apologies miss" he muttered, just barely audible. Why couldn't he get a grip on himself? Reality shifted into focus, and the brute was in control once more, pausing in his pacing and turning toward the lioness, a mighty king once more, head held high and eyes burning with ... with ... an emotion too deep to describe. Silently he stood there, watching her, eye focused somewhere around her muzzle. He was calm now, nearly relaxed, his guilt and remorse pushed away to the very edges of his mind, indifferent from the pain that robbed his metaphorical heart. She seemed like a good leader, wise and kind, not the whores who had always clouded his own past harem. Once more his butt slid back to the ground, only this time instead of slumping like a 'lost cub' he sat proud and noble, strong both physically and mentally.

Now that Chi Satsujin was of sound mind, he could focus properly on the female, examine her in the way a leader would a soldier. Strong. The word that came to mind immediatly when one looked upon her. Strong. "I am fine. And give you my apologies, for past bad behaviour. May I inquire why you have wandered from your pride lands, and into these peaceful waves?" It was a simple question, and hoped she did not take it wrongly, prayed to the gods of the lions that she was not frightened or angered by his previous .... insanity. Sometimes he couldn't hold on to the present, but was lost in the past, and his struggles through grief and guilt. And although he was sane now, he also recognized the fact that it would never leave him, but always plague his poor, battered soul. Its strength would decrease in time, he hoped, but never would it fade completely. The long grass swayed around them, never still, but constantly moving, even if just a little. The trees, with their slim, smooth trunks and large bodies of leaves drifted softly in the same breeze that moved their more eatheral kin.

.x. I am not afraid to walk this world alone .x.

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[Lassiel]

His sudden leap toward her instantly put her on the defensive again, body tensing and crouching to the ground. Fur bristled, rounded ears pinned to her golden skull, eyes narrowing and flashing as a paw raised with claws extended. Fool to let her guard down around him—someone she knew nothing about! Black lips pulled back to show not yet entirely yellowed fangs in a snarl, readying herself for whatever attack was to come. But…it did not happen. Instead, he asked her to kill him! Yet again, Chi threw the lioness completely of guard, and as quickly as what appeared to be an attack began, it finished with his body spinning away. The mumbled, though sincere apology reached her, and Lothril slowly lowered her paw and rose, ears lifting to their original position and teeth covered once more. What was going on? How could one leap to so many varied emotions in such a short space of time, and with seemingly nothing to cause them? Or maybe the memories he previously spoke of were the cause? If so, then she spoke wrongly before—the dreams of the one who betrayed her caused much pain, but nothing compared to this.

He stared at her once again, his gaze now proud and entire being emitting strength. Despite his apology, her form did not relax as completely as it had been before and the thought of leaving this unstable being appealed to her more and more. But her feelings did not deny the fact that now that he seemed to be in control of himself once more, he gave off an air of nobility, farther confirming her belief that he once called himself king. And from the aura currently surrounding him, she decided that he had to have been a powerful leader, one followed for his talent to protect to the best of his ability. But if it were so, why was he now without a pride?....His memories?

His voice sounded in the air again, penetrating her thoughts with another apology and a question. So calm he seemed to be now—but recent events proved it could change in an instant. Nevertheless she stayed put, her curiosity too great to let her run off now. Fine? I do not think you are fine...but it is not my business. Her head lowered briefly, though eyes stayed trained on him, at his apology. I…accept you apology. Her mind flew to his question, mulling it over. True, her original answer was to think—but now it seemed too simple. Yet he deserved some answer, if only to bring his thoughts away from whatever haunted him. I came here to reflect and think, for as I said earlier, I have my own memories that often bother me. Sometimes the stress of ruling a pride alone becomes too much.

Her eyes widened slightly upon realizing her last statement—one that just popped out without a thought. To let another male know of it could endanger the future of her pride. Lone queens were seldom respected by others, and many saw their pride as one that’s easily taken over. And really, why shouldn’t they? Although the dominant lioness in the pride, she could do very little against a lion determined to rule...or kill. No wonder so few lionesses joined the Akina—with no trusted male around to patrol their borders, cubs were constantly in danger. But she could not take her words back, and she watched his reaction proudly, daring him to treat her or her pride less because of it.

[asianna]

Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace
I did it all so maybe I'd live this every day

His face melted into a look of sad compassion, when her form did not relax, and her eyes betrayed her thoughts. Ah yes. He was the insane bastard who stalked these lands, sinking into the past with delusions and hallucinations. No other wished to be near him, to stay with him, to crouch so close to his strong bodiance. And yet not matter how strong his bodiance was, his mind was a wreck, a horrible breeding ground for every mental disease possible. His noble face stayed serene and calm, red gold eye watching her intently, and yet not aggressively, more like interested ... yes. He was interested in this female before him. Oh not in that way that you are currently thinking of. The brute was too screwed up to think of anything along those lines right now, or any such time. Although she did seem to help draw him into the present and away from the past. A useful talent if Chi did say so himself.

Kindly he gave a small nod to her words, understanding the stress of leadership, especially when it fell only upon one pair of shoulders. When he had ruled his pride, he had not taken a leading female, finding none that fit him personality wise, nor none that held attributes to be a good leader. Maybe that was part of the reason of his downfall, that he had not relinquished any of 'power' to another, but kept it bottled up inside, just like his emotions. Almost blissfully he remembered roaming similar rogue lands for a taste of peace away from his jabbering mates and numerous children. Sometimes he had even been so ignorant to envy the occasional loner male seen in the distance. The type who lived as they wished and had no ties or cares. But he had been tied into responsibility and pride life from a young age. Chi didn't want this life of lonliness, but would rather lay with the lioness and play with the cubs. Not that he was truly ready to settle and become a family man, Chi had no one.

He was drifting mentally, not dangerously, like before, but mentally floating in a sea of meaningless thoughts. He had not eaten recently, only a day or two agao, and the thought of engaging the femmora in a hunt was mildly amusing. But by the look she was giving him, the type that only a wary lioness could give, he would be forced to preach his sermon. To spin his own tale of what happened when you came to not fully understand and love what you had. A pride, a family, a life. Words slipped from his jaws and into the air, tones soft and almost lyrical, "I was like you once. I ruled a good, strong pride at one time. I would run away to rogue lands to relax and think, to get away from the others. And then it was taken from me. My cubs were slaughtered because I was their father, and several of my mates died trying to defend their children." his voice cracked and he had to pause and grab ahold of his emotions, although neither rage, nor insanity littered his eyes or voice. Only a heart-breaking sadness.

"I would give anything for the moments that I wasted away from them. I would do anything to reclaim those lost souls, but instead, I must live with this grief, this guilt, this constant reminder that I held something great, noyl to be its destruction." His words were strong and wise, voice choked with emotion. She was the first lioness that he had ever told this to, although not the first lion. In the first month of his banishment, Chi had run into a small pride, the leading brute cruel to his mates, and always pushing them away from him. Two weeks after warning the stupid bastard, Chi heard the screams carried along by the wind. Identitical to that of his cubs, to his lionesses, and lastly to his own instant grief. Later, he learned that the former king had committed suicide, unable to cope with his loss, finding the violence against himself more bearable than the pain that ripped at his soul. And although Chi had been through the same thing, although he had warned the brute, pity and sympathy swept over him for the lost lives, putting aside his grief to take on anothers during their absence from life. His eyes had drifted downward to stare at gigantium paws, and now they flicked up, a blush creeping under his golden fur.

And we'll all dance alone to the tune of your death
We'll love again, we'll laugh again
And it's better off this way

[Lassiel]

Carpe diem.

A light breath escaped her when he said nothing of her strange status, only nodding understandingly. A small, but wonderful blessing to not be judged harshly. And perhaps...perhaps she judged him too quickly. Despite the difficulty of predicting him, she could not deny that when in his right mind, Chi held the same nobility and kindness she so respected. But she did not possess the ability to trust easily and quickly, not anymore. And in the face of one who obviously was not truly a violent sort, it saddened her that a meeting which could be enjoyable to both was now jeopardized by her nature.

And then he spoke, telling her of the tragedy of his life. The emotion in his voice--the sheer sorrow--was...horrible, to say nothing of the story. And yet...it was oh so familiar, bringing back images of her young life. The small, but happy pride destroyed by newcomers--the deaths of so many...her mother and siblings. But instead of falling into grief, anger consumed her until she finally forced herself to leave and seek a new life. She did not blame herself though, for how could a lioness not even of age yet be the downfall of a family? But...could she be the destruction of this pride? Surly a short absence could not cause that! Then again, one only needed a few moments to kill another.

Her form shuddered at the thought of her cubs meeting a death Chi described. She knew of what could happen and feared it...but never before had another given voice to them. And...would Sileree die for them, or Jayvia, if Lothril was not there? But how do I explain to them why their father is not around if I do not know myself? His comment about wasting time stung--she did waste time that could be spent playing with them, though it was not for lack of love. They deserved better, and not just her children, but the pride as well. Golden eyes lowered, watching the grass as she contemplated his words before raising them once again and speaking softly. I won’t deny that you have frightened me, but I thank you for the reminder of what I may lose if I continue this way. Her searching gaze held less hostility than before, finding it hard to act harshly toward him. Having lost most of my first pride in a similar way, I know some of the grief you are speaking of…and I should have known better.

‘Should have’….life seemed to be filled with that phrase, covering everything from ‘I should have gone after the younger zebra’ to ‘I should have been more careful in trusting him.’ Her companion should have understood what he had, and she should have realized what could happen to her own pride. But all one could only learn from those words, and hopefully make a better choice next time. Not live in the past, for its ghosts can be too hard for a lone soul to bear. Watching Chi closely, his sad dignity struck her one again. One such as he should not be forced to live alone, whether he brought it upon himself or not. Finally, muscles completely relaxed and the tension in her form subsided—one could not talk in such a way to another and still wish ill on that being. Again, Lothril’s thoughts were given voice as she thought of him. Her speech grew more powerful, abandoning the softer tones. I can never fully understand your sorrow, but I know what it is to live in the past. Doing such a thing…it can destroy someone—and we are both guilty of it, I believe. A frown appeared, though it was of concentration and not disproval. Hind legs unfolded as she rose, tall grass brushing against golden pelt as she moved nearer to him before halting once more. I do not presume to tell you to forget about your past and the guilt it caused. She glanced to his side, giving herself a moment to word her thoughts better before looking back. However, I do think a permanent home would help make it more bearable and the Akina pride’s doors are open to you, if you wish. Were it not for the mood and her own turbulent feelings, a smirk would have crossed her face. Never before had Lothril asked another to join, always they came to her first. An accomplishment? Perhaps—and it would be more of one if he agreed.

Seize the day.

ooc: *headdesk* This took me hours to write—and I’m not even completely happy with it. But I decided to go ahead and post it so Chi can get into the pride—since he’s been accepted as king.

[asianna]

Preach all you want but who's gonna save me?
I keep a gun on the book you gave me, hallelujah, lock and load
Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent tongue
It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one,

The wind was a soft hand upon the land, forever calming and sweet, keeping the humidity down while the cool loamy soil kept the belly chilled. Chi sat still, but not stiffly. His body could not be described as sagging, but nor could one call it tense. Possibly passively alert. Ah yes, this phrase fit him quite well, the old fool calmly aware of everything that moved around him and the little details of the Queen before him. Beauty always was a striking, destracting essence, and the landscape that sprawled around them was the word in every form possible. For the hundreth time, Chi was struck with the whim to recline once more into the long, swaying grasses and let sleep overcome his pain and the sadness. Red gold eyes, so dark compared to his light tan bodiance and mane, finally left their roaming of the landscape to settle once more on the powerful lioness before him.

He had little doubt that she would understand what he was trying to tell her. They all understood his message, they all feared his story, but so few realised that he had not been a weak king. All them, the poor bitches and bastards, found themselves imune to the distaster that had befallen him. But through his follies, through the deaths of his mates and his innocent cublings, Chi had learned his lesson. And one day, as he knew somewhere deep in the depths of his heart, he would avenge their deaths, with giving life to others. Noble face had never drifted elsewhere, optics focused on her as these thoughts and beliefes streamed through his mind. He had missed her words, no, he had only stored them away for later reference. Silently he mentally scrolled through them, snatching at key terms: frightened, lose, grief, known better. Ah, so all of the rich nobles had felt the terror of murder, of guilt and grief, the stench that came with the death of kin.

But now the large brute focused himself on the words that poured forth from her jaws, eyes downcast in both thought and the process of intense listening. Small, bear like ears turned toward her, trying to pick up her tones over the sea of his golden mane. Join her? None had ever asked him that, most had either chased him away, like the bringer of bad luck, or offered him a bite to eat, a dose of sleep and then told him of a larger, 'better' pride in some far away land. A sad smile, sweet words "Your pride has doors?" it was a pathetic attempt at a joke, a hopeless jest to lighten the forbidding mood he had seemed to cloak them in. How sadistically cruel of him, 'eh? Always in some form of slow motion, or fast, smarting rages, Chi Satsujin, the defeated king, rose to stand, black tasseled tail hanging limply behind him, and crown raised high into the hair, dwarfing her. "This pain will never be bearable... this grief will never leave ..." tones were cold, nearly angery and cruel, but suddenly they lightened, softened, as did his once intense expression. Would these mood swings never end? "But a home, among others, would be a kind retreat, my sweet Queen." He gave a small dip of his head in a show of thanks.

None would understand the pain that bled from his heart, whether they hold a thin trickle of the blood, or a raging wound. No other brute who had a similar 'accident' happen to him would be able to comprehend Chi's internal destruction. Why? Because after listening to the other former king's screams of torment, he had yoked himself to the pain, and the horror, of the world among these African beasts. And everything he did, from hunting, to sleeping, to smiling and gods forbid, laughing, it would always be bitter sweet to the tom, tinged in sorrow and tainted with blood stains. For Chi, the slaughter would never end, merely continue on around him, forever destroying, forever in need of grieving.

You wanna follow something
Give me a better cause to lead
Just give me what I need
Give me a reason to believe

[Lassiel]

A small smile, the first true one since she began speaking to him, crossed her face at his joke. Though really, it was more at his attempt to lighten the dark atmosphere than at some witty remark. Her gaze followed the lion as he rose to his full height. Now closer to him, Chi’s movement reminded her of the sizable difference between them, and a slight shiver passed through her smaller, lithe frame. The last time she stood so close to a male she was not angry with was Ibalo--and...he left her, without a word. With Deimos…well, their relationship was never the best. Sure didn’t take a genius to realize that. Ah, but what would the former king think of another male joining the pride? She wagered he would not be too happy about it. But whether others joined the pride or not was no longer his concern.

Despite her musings, she listened intently to the light-colored lion’s response. Annoyance stung her heart at his tone, but she quickly shoved it away when his voice changed. Putting together his words from before, she came to the conclusion that his guilt at the memory of his pride caused such a thing, and she bit her tongue at a retort. Who could say how she would react under the same circumstances? And Lothril held the firm belief that one must put themselves in another’s pawprints to even have a small chance of understanding. The smile returned, reaching her gold eyes as he finished. It held more sadness, perhaps, but a smile it was nonetheless. She could not deny that despite his strange behavior, the once rogue was growing on her. Forgive me, if my words gave the impression that the grief will leave—it was not what I meant, nor do I think that such a thing should happen. Though if offers little, if any comfort—family should not be forgotten, and one can only hope to learn from mistakes.

Oh yes, there were many things she learned from recent events. For instance, like a fool she gave her heart away to one who was unfaithful. And the mistake not only cost her a mate and king, but left her children without a father. So now she grew cold about such a love—maybe even bitter. Never again would she fall for the charms of another like a naïve girl, and instead now looked at sweet words with mistrust of their intent and honesty. Though always in possession of fierce independence, now it set her off from others, along with the support of her unwillingness to admit defeat and sheer stubbornness. No—she would not expose her children to the risk of once again being without a father figure.

Pulling her mind from those thoughts and refocusing on Chi Satsujin, Lothril’s voice once again floated on the breeze that wrapped around the two. Then I gladly welcome you to the Akina—though I feel I must warn you that there is another male, by the name of Deimos, who has recently lost his leadership status. I do not know how he will react to another—but I will try my best to keep anything from happening. A glance at the sky as the wind brushed across her deep gold pelt, senses expanding outwards to catch signs of any potential danger. Soon, these lands would need to be left behind. Poriuma did not belong to her, and though it simply was not safe to linger in such places, the lion’s earlier words awoke a fear for the safety of her cubs. Now, Lothril itched to return and check on them.